'Bad' Thoughts and 'Bad' Deeds

Voice : Looks like you felling low ?  

Me : Yep

Voice : Can I help ? 

Me : Now you want to help ?? Couldn't you have prevented it in the first place ? I have been trying to remember God and take His name as much as I can every day. Its not working for me. I just got so angry with someone. I just flipped out, went berserk and this side of me disgusts me ! 

Voice : So ? 

Me : So ?? What do you mean - 'So' ? Do you like me showing this side ??

Voice : I love you. Nothing will change my love for you.

Me : Right now I feel myself so distant from you. With all the spirituality in the world and so-called connection to divinity, I am just worse than anyone else. My 'so called equipoise’ is such a farce!

Voice : Hmm…so thats what you feel.  

Me : I have been on the spiritual path for so long. How do you explain if my anger, greed, hatred, lust, pride, envy, irritations, fears, anxiety are all having a damn field day ??? Why haven’t they just disappeared ??? Where is the damn spiritual growth in this after so many years ?

And let me not even get started on those thoughts ! If there was a big screen showing my thoughts to the world..my entire spiritual journey would be the biggest joke for everyone to laugh at my expense ! And yes, I meditate for 2 hours every day !!   

Voice : Ah ha. You want spiritual growth or God ? 

Me : Now, how the hell is that different ?

Voice : Its very different and thats what makes one frustrated as one does not understand this important difference. Where did you get this idea of having no weaknesses ? Maybe, I want it to remain.   

All your life you have been caught up between moral and immoral deeds, right and wrong words, good and bad thoughts. 
Let it all be my problem. Dont make it yours. Remember, I am above good and bad. 

This needs conviction that I am responsible for all the thoughts in your head. Maybe, I planted the thoughts in the first place. 

The ‘bad’ is serving a vital role as much as the ‘good’. I work with opposites in a way that you would not understand. 

Me : Why ? What purpose do they serve ? 

Voice : The heavy load of karmas even get worked out through your thoughts - both good and bad. Observe them gently. Knowing this, you are able to surrender all to Me. The same is true with your actions. You have no idea what you have accumulated through lifetimes. 

Me : I mediate, remember God and chant His name for tranquility and detachment !

Voice : Love God for what He doesn’t give you, as much as for what He gives you. 

Me : That was a killer line ! You are full of it. Listen, I am not convinced.  

Voice : You will be when the time is right. You are in a state of judgement because of the moral standards of the world. 

Do not judge yourself. When you reach a state of non-judgement of your own being, it will reflect in non-judgement of others. 

Me : Okay....

Voice : You may imagine yourself getting closer to God by being in virtuous state with no weaknesses. But, the so-called weakness keeps you grounded and you remain helpless to My help. This keeps you closer to Me. In a state of having ‘vanquished’ your lower attributes, you will become judgemental of others, thus walking on the thin rope of pride and conquest. The ego is very tricky and without you realising it, you create a spiritual ego - which would only mean more work for Me. You will create your identity of 'Lover of God’ through distinctions of vices and virtues. The creation of that very same identity is work of the ego that will bind you further to Falsehood. And the job was very simple from the start - to lose your very Self.       

If you want what the world understands as spiritual life - you face the danger of perpetuating the ego. If you want God, then elimination of the ego is inevitable. What the world may term as undesirable, I may use this for the greatest benefit.   

Me : You realise you can put those 'positive thinkers' speakers and authors out of business ?  

Voice : Thats why I said this is beyond comprehension of the human intellect. 

Me : So, I can be a bad boy, now ?

Voice : Be yourself. You dont have to bother being ‘spiritual' to please me. 

Me : So I can getaway being angry and yell at everyone ?

Voice : Didn’t you just apologise to the person you were screaming at, even tough you knew you were right ? 

Me : Yes. Was ashamed of my behaviour. 

Voice : Wasn't that a wonderful opportunity for you to exercise humility, ask for forgiveness, practice tolerance and forbearance ?

Me : I want to be Thanos from Avengers and unleash my evil side !        

Voice : I know what resides in your heart and I know your karmas from previous lifetimes. I am deeply involved with you with each thought, word and deed. Its not your connection with Me - Its My connection with you. I am the One playing out your life each moment.  

What needs to be worked from deep within your consciousness, nobody knows except Me. Let it work out. Let it be.  

My work is above the moralities of the world. Remember, when God is your companion, the ways of working remain unfathomable.        
Your weaknesses can be removed in a moment when I want it, but that doesn’t matter to Me nor must it matter to you.   

Me : God, I feel kinda free now.  

Voice : Did you notice how we can bind our own being ? 

Me : Yes.

Voice : Your pair of jeans may fade away. Divine Love cannot.